First off let me tell you that at the start of this season of The Real Housewives of New York, I couldn’t have been happier. Of all the housewives New York and Atlanta are my favorites. But just like that tall crazy rollercoaster that you want so badly to try as you’re gazing up at it before you make it to the line---you soon find out that you should have never strapped yourself in but it’s too late and you’re already being pulled forward. This my friends, is how I describe this season. The yelling, the crying, the lack of self-awareness, Ramona’s crazy eyes…I need therapy! I knew things were gonna get crazy when I got to see the whole Bethenny Jill co-dependent marriage fall apart but big baby Jesus I had NO IDEA it was that deep.
Faze one: The fight. I of course chose sides very quickly—team Bethenny—but when the housewives split up (three and three) it was like the movie Mean Girls with menopause. I mean really, I have no time for this madness! All this catyness and stupid arguments with the “she said she said” and the poor husbands stuck in the middle. I’ve never seen such juvenile behavior. When my 4-year-old niece doesn’t like something she doesn’t act all shifty and victimized like Jill, no she says “stop doing that I don’t like it” and that’s that. As a matter of fact, these housewives could learn a few things from my niece she’s very straightforward.
Anyway …on to faze two: Put her on blast. By the time Bethenny attempted to salvage her relationship with Jill but she had sadly gone all super lesbian with LuAnn I was too over it. Putting Bethenny on speakerphone while she tried to reason with you?! Classy. And not for nothing LuAnn is a super duper starship trooper psycho.
Faze three: Ramona’s eyes. Of all the crazy things this season those are were definitely the craziest. Yes they were sitting up on a platter for the world to see as she walked down the runway for this thing called “Fashion Week” but not in Manhattan. No it was on some planet called Brooklyn. All very strange.
Faze four: Money can’t buy you class. This, the final faze, is a double-header. It includes Kelly acting super crazy (which by the way I don’t buy for one minute she’s not as dumb as she looks) on that boat then even crazier when they docked that boat and moved into a mansion. Honestly those last couple episodes gave me such a headache that I wanted to do what Bethenny yelled at Kelly: “Go to sleep! Go to sleep!”
Now when it comes to LuAnn singing I am convinced that Real Housewives producers plant moles in different cities trying to convince cast members to do dumb stuff like make songs just for my enjoyment. Not only did her rendition make me want to shoot myself in the face (but not really…I’m too awesome) it provided my family with a super amazing catch phrase for any given Sunday: “elegance is learned my friend.” Thanks to LuAnn I’ll just randomly walk around saying that to anyone who will listen. The homesless man on the street, the barista at Starbucks, my mailman…who cares. At any rate once LuAnn walked down those stairs and sang that first sentence I was so done I was practically screaming in my head: “I WANT OFF THIS ROLLERCOASTER!!!” and to think…there’s still a reunion. Sigh.
