Like many of you on this planet called earth, specifically in this country called America, I hate my life. To make up for it, I watch reality tv in an attempt to find somebody— anybody— whose life is more lame and pathetic than my own. Be that as it may, for the past couple months I have been lost in reality tv bliss and there are three shows that I would like to give special thanks to. So read on!
Jersey Shore:
First I’d like to say “I beat that beat up! I totally killed it on the dance floor. Massacred it.” (*insert fist pumps). Watching this show may have killed a good million or so of my brain cells, but I could care less. I mean who needs brain cells anyway? The best thing about this tanned, oily, Italian, east coast debacle is the fact that these people have no sense of self-awareness. I could blame this on the fact that people in certain areas (i.e. New York and surrounding states) seem to think the world is only their borough or their city, so its really no wonder why these clowns are so hilarious. But guess what? I still love it. Every single minute of it. My favorite character would have to be Pauly D. His hair is frozen in time, and he always has something hilarious to say. What’s not to love? Next would have to be Vinny. Yes he’s still being breast fed by his mom but hey, ya gotta eat right? The thing about Vinny is he’s like an annoying little brother that wishes he could stomp with the big dogs and whenever he does manage to sneak with them he’s all smiles.
Honorable mention would have to be Snooki, for being the only person (who is legally not a “little person”) that is shorter than me. Thanks Snooks!
Like any show worth its weight in reality tv gold, when Jersey Shore started goo-gobs of Italians were up in arms because the show perpetuates the “guido” stereotype. Let me say that I totally feel you on that, I mean after all I’m black so I have to deal with those problems in the media everyday (this means you BET, thanks for NOTHING!!!). On the flip side though, if you take this show away from me, I just might die so pipe down with all your whining and stop blocking the tv. Thanks.
Teen Mom:
I love watching skanks. *Cough. *Cough. Let me rephrase that—that was very rude. I love watching teen skanks who got pregnant and/or dropped out of school and now they’re trying to figure out just where the hell they went wrong in life. No, honestly, Teen Mom is MTV’s best kept secret. If I had a teenager (or a pre-teen for that matter) I’d sit them in front of the sofa Tuesday’s at 10 p.m. and say “do you want this to be your life? No? Then get your shit together and keep your legs closed! Or I’ll be forced to thrash you.”
Now I know that MTV stands for music television, which they never seem to play, but Teen Mom is actually pretty interesting, kind of funny and worth an hour of my life. I have no favorite here though, each one of the girls reminds me of what a loser I could have been in their own special way. Love it.!
Bad Girls Club:
This show should really be changed to “drunk girls who like to fight but not really, they really just wanna call each other bitch” club ( I guess “Bad Girls Club” is the shortened version). What I love about this show is since I’m a girl, I tend to get over involved, take sides, and curse back at the tv as if one of those tramps are speaking directly to me. Mainly because I don’t like bullies (this means you FLORINA) who think they’re big shit because they punk losers. But since I’m not on the show none of that really matters. This season is extra spicy, because some chick (who claims to be from the Bay Area---like myself) and her chin keep me laughing ‘til the cows come home. Yes there are lots of fights, and drinks being thrown but that’s pretty much the norm. Oxygen managed to throw in a little something extra this time around as if they knew I was yearning for more. My guess is they read my diary, or the hate mail that I’ve been sending to them all year. Either way, thanks biootches!
Sadly the season is coming to and end. I’ve already lost Jersey Shore, Teen Mom and Bad Girls Club is coming up next. I really don’t know what I’ll do when that happens, so I’m going to stop typing now before I start to cry.
