Terrell Owens: Wide Receiving His Way Into My Heart One Episode At A Time

Good evening. How’s everybody doing tonight? I’d like to kick this post off by telling ya’ll a little story. One day, I was driving down La Cienega on my way to the Urth Caffé in West Hollywood (yes the same one that’s always on Entourage! How cool!), and I stopped at a light. In the midst of changing the song on my iPOD, I looked to my left to see a picture of a butt ass naked Terrell Owens crouched over on one knee promoting his reality show. First, I almost crashed. Then I started slinging derogatory slurs at the picture because I hate T.O. ever since his cocky ass San Francisco 49er days of my youth. So, when I tuned in to the first episode of this alleged show, I immediately made my judgments. T.O. = douche bag with an amazing body. His “publicist” Mo = good friend always looking out for her big homie. The other “publicist” chick = totally in love with T.O. and either wants him to hit it or mad that he hit it and quit it. Textbook case.

After getting over the first episode filled with eye candy for the male sweet tooth plus one very unprofessional Asian “realtor” who slept with her “client” one day after meeting him. Hmm….sounds like a call girl to me….but it is what it is. I almost wrote the show off but if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: I have no standards when it comes to reality tv.

This week’s episode was especially mushy when T.O. went to his hometown and visited his grandma who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease. As he sat with her, tears streaming down that dark chocolate face, I could see in his grandmother’s eyes that she was still “in there” even though she wasn’t responding. Then as if reading my thoughts, she spoke! Snap! Blink* Blink* Blink* Does that mean I’m psychic? I’m gonna’ go with yes. Either way, that scene was so touching I almost dropped a tear, but I ain’t no bitch so I sucked it up kept it pimpin and took a sip of my gin and juice. But here’s the point: T.O. is a douche that is for sure, but like every crafty bastard with a reality show he has found his way into my life before football season even starts and making me love him for the first time…all over again. Nice try T.O. but I’m on to you! I will not fall victim to these heart-wrenching episodes in which you tap dance dangerously close to my heart! But you are a dedicated competitor in the fight for my emotions, and for that I say good job to your sir. Good job indeed.