As you can probably tell from my previous blog entries, when it comes to reality TV I have no standards. Wait, I take that back, ‘Paris Hiltons: My New BFF’ is where I draw the line. Anyway, as I am sitting here watching former girlfriend of grandpa Hugh Heffner, Kendra Wilkinson, on her new show, I can’t help but wonder what the fuck is going on here. Although I do love Kendra (she laughs weird and she’s a natural blonde, which to me are signs of good character), I still don’t get it. I feel like I’m stuck in the Twilight Zone and I’m the only one who realizes that this shit is super duper starship trooper crazy! Dude why are you taking your new boo to meet Heff and he’s nervous?! “The ex-boyfriend is meeting the new boyfriend, that’s got to be weird.” Um no, the only thing weird here is you people calling Heff a boyfriend. Heff ain’t been nobody’s boyfriend in a good 60 + years (give or take an extra 15). Next to my surrogate grandfather Popeye (who turns 99 this year! Congrats!) Heff is the oldest person that I’ve seen walking out and about. The thing I love about Heff is that he is totally not bothered by naked chicks. He’s just not interested. He prances all up and thru spots with blonde chicks kissing him and crying & he looks like he can barely move. All he wants to do is go home and take a nap! I love it. Now, I do totally realize that Heff is sweet as pie (which is why bitches with daddy issues cling to him), the fact that people act like he’s not over 80 is hilarious. Even funnier is that people act like he gives a shit about his ex-girlfriends. He knows that they’re opportunists (except for the ex-wife, Barbie Benton, and Holly Madison---she was in it to win it) and he’s coo wit it. Fake boobs? Sure, get as many as you want. Pose in the magazine? Sure, so long as I approve the pics. Threesomes? Absolutely, just go slow and let me take my Viagra first. Heff is easy as Sunday morning, and that’s why I like him.
Kendra on the other hand….she seems very sweet but it’s like “We get it, you love any and everything black. It’s fine.” Having Too Short rap your intro, um wtf? The side ponytail and the neck roll…come on with this shit dude. Fa real. Then having him at your party “Too Short made it so gangsta. I’m glad he came.” Wtf? That is the shit that makes me think white people be on some racist shit. We’re not your little black prank monkeys that buck dance and show you how “gangsta” we are by giving you a grill and a pimp cup. Like fa real tho chica, tread lightly. But I know that Kendra didn’t mean it that way, she’s a nice young lady, who just happened to fuck a dude older than her grandfather. I mean hell, her mom was worried about her leaving the mansion. Yes that is gross that her mom didn’t want her to leave her 80-something old-man-friend but either way it’s all good. Cheers to you miss lady. You got a dude to lock that down, and you guys are totally different. Now if I could just convince my ex that opposites always work well together, I might be on to something.
p.s. how funny was it that Kendra’s boo called Heff and he was like “What? Who? This is some kind of prank call.”---CLICK! Old people man…they keep me young!
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