The Latifah Does the MTV Movie Awards!!!!

No your eyes are not deceiving you. I really did go to the MTV Movie Awards. Although I can’t really believe it myself, I did. Finally watching all this t.v. paid off! I would love to credit my super powers for being able to cover this event, but I actually owe that honor to AOL (also known as my day job). They got me in and they could get me out!!! So, let’s get down to bees-knees. First, I arrived on time despite attempting to arrive fashionably late so as to not have to sit and wait like the kid on the fieldtrip that has no friends. About an hour into waiting alone….like the kid on the fieldtrip that has no friends, I was told to line up with the rest of my kind (journalists). Before doing so, I did see a one mister Sasha Baron Cohen dressed as his latest character ‘Bruno’ in a silk robe and suspicious white boots. What was he doing you ask? Rehearsing for the stunt where he and his balls met with Eminem’s face. Yeah that was definitely pre-planned, but Em didn’t know anything about it! Too bad Em…had you given me an interview like I wanted maybe I wouldna’ had to make you feel my wrath. But that’s life brotha. Meanwhile, when I finally made it to the red carpet (and yes I got to walk it!!! Yay!!), I secured my spot between Radar Online and OK! Magazine (the big leagues). For the next three hours I proceeded to change my entire life. As I shifted my weight from one uncomfortable shoe heel to the other, I talked to (and/or yelled at) just about everybody. No not really…I more-so told the other “journalists” who certain people were so they could yell at them & I could smile when they turned around. I even made John Voight laugh---twice! Wtf? How dope is that? I’m funny now! Yay! Hmm…who else was there, Will Ferrell (aka my Yoda), the cast of The Hangover (soon to be added to my summer movies hot list), Megan Fox, The Hills Cast (& yes Brody Jenner was looking all kinds of delicious with his Ken doll looks), Tyrese (who did not come back for an interview after I was PROMISED that he would), Fonzworth Bentley, Sandra Bullock, Taraji P. Henson, and an uncomfortable run-in with Souja Boy. Funny how that keeps happening to me. Perhaps the BEST moment for me was when Michael Bay—the director of Transformers—walked by and I told him that Transformers was the best shit E.V.E.R!! He wouldn’t talk to most of the press but he totally turned around and acknowledged me! Oh shit!!!! Is this my life? Thanks Bay. You da’ man.

If that experience wasn’t good enough, I somehow made my way to the press tent, with all the paparazzi, where I was greeted with Subway sandwiches and all the Dasani water a girl could ask for. Word to the wise: you’d be surprised how far a smile, giggle and 5 inch heels gets you when you look like The Latifah. Of course it didn’t hurt that I was in a room that was mostly men (aka putty in my hands). Moving on, I sat back and watched the show & even witnessed “the pappers” –as Regis of Regis & Kelly calls them—yell all kinds of crazy shit at Cameron Diaz & the pale vampire dude from Twilight for not taking solo pics. Now I know why celebs HATE photographers. I mean its one thing to take pics, but it’s a whole other thing to be rude people! That’s what I told them, but I said it low b/c I didn’t want them to turn on me. Because I am a douche by nature and a retard by default, I did not charge my phone all the way so it died by the time I that I was standing 2 ft from Lil Wayne. Hoping that Jesus would grant me that one wish he’s been promising me, I attempted to snap Wayne, then my phone said “Low Battery…Shutting Your Dumb Ass Down For Not Charging This Phone Idiot.” Can you believe that? Sucks to be me. I did however snap a few random pics of some celebs on the red carpet….but you’ll have to figure out the combination to my diary to see all of them. I did add my pic of Will Ferrell to this blog…just in case you thought I made this whole thing up.

p.s. Shots out to Andy Samberg: The Bay Area’s Finest. I wanted to scream that at him but public humiliation is my biggest fear, so instead I just led the paps in a congratulations clap for him.

p.p.s. The puppet master behind Triumph the Insult Dog (that dog from Conan w/ the cigar) hit the photo tent with a black sheet over his head so they could snap pics of the damn puppet dog! Wtf? When he got off the photo stage, I said “that was very weird and dumb,” and yes he was standing RIGHT next to me. Nice. “Um, no…I didn’t mean…it was just a little weird for me that’s all. Sorry.” That’s how I recovered, but I think he gave me the stink eye before walking away. Whatever dude.