Unfortunately for you though, I heard a videotape of your “curse-out-session” similar to what I imagine Tony Soprano would sound like if he ever caught me stealing his food. So yeah, watching you on ‘I’m A Celebrity…Somebody Kill Me (or “Get Me Out of Here” whatever), I can’t help but wonder if you are doing this merely to help your husband’s image. Why would I ask such a question of a seemingly caring mother who always wears her hair in ping-tails? (I’m not being sarcastic here, she does seem very very sweet.) Well for one it’s because I notice you always wear your hair in pig-tails like a sweet little girl—which is suspect. Also because if my husband is in fear of going to jail my first thought would not to be to go to the jungle. Why? Um you went when he couldn’t, which means he had the idea to go there in an attempt to save his image. You being the strong woman that you are, you took his place in an attempt to rid your mind of the public hell that you are going through. Now please understand me very clearly when I say this, I am a human being so contrary to what the world believes, I do have a heart. However, I can’t feel sympathy for a woman that married a man with crazy hair that tried to sell Obama’s senate seat only to get caught and pretend it never happened. Oh it happened. It’s politics baby. Politics and the mafia are kinfolk ‘case you ain’t know. Moving right along, then there’s the crying. Again I get that this is very hard on you, and I can see that you are the backbone of the family, but enough with the tears. Your husband is all smiles, and still manages to make one public appearance after another, and combs his hair all kinds of crazy so as not to confuse the locals. As a matter of fact I saw your hubby on the news appearing in a play at Chicago’s famed Second City Theater. The play was about him, and he came out at the end all “chorus line like” cheesing from here to high heaven. You on the other hand are crying next to John Salley about how you guys have no money. Now again, I am not saying that you deserve this, but I will say that if you drove a few extra miles from your Illinois suburb you might find a whole group of people who live check to check (or no check at all) on the daily. And guess what? They still manage to make it everyday. Wake up. Go to work. Go to school. Raise children. You name it. I’m also gonna’ go out on a limb and say that you wouldn’t dare walk those streets unless it was on the campaign trail with your husband. Since I’ve seen the conditions of parts of the Chi that look suspiciously close to every other city I’ve lived in where there are a lot of black people, you can kinda sorta blow it out your ass. But wait, I say that in the most respectful way possible, because my mom taught me to respect my elders. If nothing else you are merely guilty from suffering from “ride or die chick syndrome.” What is that? Its when you’re so down for you boo that he can do any and everything and you will stand by his side (think Eliot Spitzer boning a prostitute & his wife standing by his side after he got caught). It’s all the same. So I beg you Miss Patti, because again I truly believe that you are a nice person, don’t loan your soul to the devil so he’ll let you hold some paper; because when he comes to collect he could give a shit whether you or your husband are really innocent. I’m just saying.
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