10 Reason Why Tyra Banks Wants My Soul

After more years then I care to admit of viewing Tyra Banks’ talk show, I have come to the conclusion that she wants my soul. At first I thought maybe she’s new to the “interviewing game” so she always throws in a personal story to make guests feel comfortable enough to tell her all their business. That was year one. By year two, I just thought she was a crazy person who kind of acts like an only child (even though I know she has a brother). Fast forward to this year, and I am convinced that her main goal is to steal the souls of all who watch her. That said, I have put together a comprehensive list for your viewing pleasure:

1. She always wears wigs to cover her real hair & therefore wants my soul.
2. She loves to show off her skinny ankles & therefore wants my soul.
3. She tends to invade everyone’s 18-inches of personal space & therefore wants my soul.
4. She says “I” or “me” up to 100 times per show & therefore wants my soul.
5. She tries to lure me back in with weekly Top Model updates so that I will continue to torture myself and watch her show & therefore wants my soul.
6. She sometimes dresses like she has no eyes & therefore wants my soul.
7. She speaks in strange accents that never sound like they are supposed to & therefore wants my soul.
8. She pulls people into her boobs by placing her hand on the back of their heads when she hugs them & therefore wants my soul.
9. She won’t stop screaming when she gives the entire audience free stuff…as if they didn’t know they were getting it & therefore wants my soul.
10. She won’t end the ‘Tyra Banks Show’ & therefore wants my soul.

You are clever no doubt miss Tyra Banks and even though you were very nice when I met you at the Us Weekly party, please please stop trying to take my soul. I need it!