Okay that was harsh…I promise I won’t do it again. I love you. Anyway, seriously with this Real Housewives of New York million-hour long reunion? Like really this is what we’re doing? Enough! Now don’t get me wrong, I love a good meaningless cat fight against rich white women in New York just like the next person…but I mean really. Was there anything in particular that we learned from this reunion special? Um…I don’t think so but it was entertaining.
Kelly Bensimon is that cheerleader chick in high school that knows that all the nerds secretly want to be her friend. So what does she do? Lure them in only to turn them down and pretend she doesn’t speak English. “Bethenny what are you talking about? Stop it! Just Stop it!” I will say however that at least she’s consistent. “LuAnn what are you talking about? Stop it! I mean who cares? Why are we even talking about this?” Um yeah miss lady, I’ve got news for you: you’re on the Real Housewives of NYC Reunion Special. Remember when that black Lincoln town car picked you up and dropped you off at Cipriani’s? Yeah they weren’t just doing that because you are Kelly. They were doing that because you have a contractual obligation. So look alive Kelly! I mean geez.
Oh Ramona…sweet psycho and apparently crazy-eyed Ramona. I live for your idiosyncrasies I really do. You keep me young! I would tell you to change but that would be pointless. So hows about you do me a favor and try to get as crazy and delusional as you can? Also if you’re not too busy can you also turn up the volume on the “annoying your daughter” meter? Right now you’re at a seven and I need you at a 10.
Jill Zarin, I wish you were my mother but I already have one. Either way your delightful New York jewishness is the stuff that dreams are made of. Keep up the good work!
Alex, gross. Even though you seem to have a good heart, you have forced me to be superficial and judge you merely on the outer. Work that out. You, Simon, Johan and Francois…go work that out.
LuAnn, as much as I try to hate you, I cannot. Yes you are classist and egregious. Of course you deny it and blame it one editing. Why because people that are like that usually have no idea they can be such douche bags. Honestly I think you are a few steps from saying: “What do you mean? I have plenty of black friends! My gardener is black.” Also I sensed a bit of a ‘tude when talking about your ex-husband’s new lady partner. They (meaning your ex and possibly Jesus) didn’t want her to be looked as just “Ethiopian” so they said she was a princess. Now explain to me what the hell that means? Are you implying that your husband is just like you and wouldn’t dare date a black person (African if you will) without them having a title so as to make it look better? Since birds of a feather usually flock together, I wouldn’t put it past him.
Bethenny, if I come back in another life I would definitely like to be you. Or maybe just me to like the fifth power. That wit. Those weird boobs. That black hair. You are such a rebel! No seriously, I think you’re pretty awesome. One question though: when you say you “have no parents” does that mean they are dead of just dead to you? This question has been keeping me up at night so please put me out of my misery.
In a nutshell the reunion was just whatever. Entertaining? Always. Too Long? Absolutely. Incessant yelling until my ears bled? All day. But still enough is enough. The only thing any person should be doing for seven hours is working, having sex or building a time machine. Since your special didn’t fall in any of those categories Bravo TV I’m afraid I’m going to have to give you an ‘F.’ Now if you would kindly return my hearing and a few hours of my life back and get out of my house. Hmmm...wait now that I think about it a one Mr. Donald Trump also bombarded me with an extra long finale. His show is on NBC and Bravo is owned by NBC. Thought you could trick me huh? Well think again! Check and mate.
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