Ok so you know that weird gross feeling you get when you hear nails scratching a chalk bored? That’s how Lauren Conrad feels every time she shoots and episode of ‘The Hills.’ Possibly the best part about this season is the pain written all over her face….but enough about the observant stuff…lets get to the juice!
Seriously Heidi we’re still talking about the bartender chick? I’ve had enough of this! Oh, and to that oh so wonderful “co-worker” of hers that said “Where I come from….blah blah blah” Where you come from what? Where you come from you pretend to care about a fake ass story line about some bartender who “allegedly” likes Heidi’s gross boyfriend whose hair is all one color? Hmm….you must come from Mars. I’m assuming. I mean damnit MTV yes I know this show is scripted but now I feel like you’re making a mockery of my intelligence. Heidi meeting said bartender at said bar to “tell her off.” Um yeah that’s believable. I do have to give it to that little bartender though, she’s a feisty one. Every time she talks to Heidi I can see her fighting the urge to say: “ Check this out bitch, do you see me? Why would you think a girl like me would ever like your gross ass boyfriend. Get the hell outta’ my bar or I will be forced to thrash you.” Actually MTV if you could write that into the script for next week and do a quick re-shoot I will love you forever. Seriously, why on Earth would Heidi think that any other living organism is remotely interested in Spencer? I mean she is dumb, but she can’t be THAT dumb. Maybe she doesn’t have eyes so she has no idea what her new hubby looks like. If that’s the case then let me tell you what Spencer looks like Heidi. Remember when you lived in Colorado and you went to Sunday school and they would teach you about the devil and Jesus and all that other good stuff? Well Spencer looks like the devil.
Scene two, Audrina vs. Justin Bobby. So here’s the thing, how can you walk up in a restaurant after the crew probably spent hours setting up the cameras and getting the lighting just right…to walk up in there and be all “It’s over. Stay out of my life Justin.” Um yeah, no. Your first mistake was attempting to talk to someone wearing pants cut-off at the ankles and combat boots. Your second mistake was being born.
If you’re going to let him go then do that but have enough class to at least let him finish out his contractual obligations Audrina. I thought you were better than that. I mean really.
Scenes three and four, Stephania Pratt vs. Kelly Cutrone. Um Steph, maybe you haven’t even seen an episode of ‘The Hills’ but Kelly Cutrone will murder you. Seriously, she will. Not only will she murder you and eat your unborn children but she’ll do it wearing all black and looking like she hasn’t showered in years. This is a woman that would fire her own mother if she caught her slacking, a trait that I not only adore but admire. Why would you want to work for her? She doesn’t like lazy little rich kids that have never worked a day in their lives and are so far removed from reality that they call an internship “a job” like their names are on the payroll.
Poor Lauren the look on her face whenever she works with Steph is priceless. I almost want to yell “cut!” just to give her time to gather herself so it’ll still look “real.” See what happens when you accept an invitation from a network to film you from high school to college? You look up five years later and you are surrounded by crazy opportunists (except for Lo) that will do anything to stay on camera. Sucks to be you.
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